One Woman Revival

Given the melancholy tone of my last post, I felt I owed my 15 readers an update on my well-being. I did feel mental exhaustion chewing around the edges of my brain over Thanksgiving but managed to hold it together (minus one regrettable outburst towards my partner). I also still struggled with the proper way to celebrate holidays while keeping my internal battery charged. And unfortunately, I have become like one of those old phones which go from 20% to out of charge without any warning. I am more mindful of this malfunction now and try to take breaks and recharge when I am at 30% rather than wait for the impending short circuit. And holidays bring fatigue even to the healthiest of batteries, so I made sure to hit pause far enough in advance.

But then that still leaves the question of what constitutes a celebration. Not doing anything on a holiday feels anticlimactic and leads to its own downward spiral. My partner did not have strong feelings regarding the meal or associated festivities, so I decided to borrow from a tradition celebrated by some friends I knew when I initially moved back to San Francisco. I have since lost touch with them but appreciated their commitment to having duck on this day of thanks hence dubbing the holiday “Ducksgiving”. As Chinese restaurants are among the few establishments open on Thanksgiving, finding a good option for duck felt easier and more satisfying than tracking down turkey.

I sifted through the available options on the delivery apps and found Little Szechuan, a restaurant I had ordered from a couple times though never been there in person. I selected the Peking duck which is roasted duck that is rolled along with cut scallions and cucumber in thin wheat pancakes. I placed this order along with assorted items for my accommodating partner around lunchtime and we ended up nibbling on these dishes while curled up in couch mode for the rest of the day. Holiday goals accomplished.

While constructing my duck and wheat pancake wrap, my mind drifted back to the friends who had initiated me to this tradition. I had formed a close bond with one of those in the group and a part of me regretted how we had drifted. I have since found camaraderie in different circles, hopefully she continues to have a community around her as well. But I do still harbor an unspoken wish that perhaps someday our paths will cross again, maybe we can pick up where we left off.