One Woman Revival

These days when our pillow talk conversations are enumerating different ways that AI could become malevolent and we wake up to news about people in Palestine posting final goodbye messages on social media, I feel a weight inside me that makes it difficult to even get out of bed. My partner suggests we should have some food, so we scroll through options and decide on a Mexican brunch spot called El Mil Amores that we have been to once before. On our way there, I think about how we are sheltered in San Francisco enjoying our huevos rancheros while people elsewhere in the country are being abducted off the street and deported without due process.  

We pull up to a corner in the outer Mission where El Mil Amores sits nestled among pink and yellow houses. Last time we were here it was busy, so we only got a seat outside but today we are early enough to be seated at a table inside. I notice that they have white stencil cutouts draped across the ceiling of wedding rings and silhouettes of couples. I stare at the swirling milk in my coffee and wonder if I will feel better by the time I finish this cup. I look up to see my partner’s concerned face across the table. He does not say anything, but I know he is checking to make sure I am ok. 

I comment on the decorations over our heads and he says they make sense given the name “A Thousand Loves”. It reminds me of a day that I declared love for someone in a venue not too far from where we are sitting now. We had a big Indian wedding with giant paper lanterns hanging from the industrial chic rafters and a living plant wall backdrop for our ceremony. I ordered monstera leaves from the florist to be placemats for dinner. My late husband and I had debated whether to have a plated meal or go with a buffet. We were lucky to have found love. Even if our time together was ultimately brief. 

I reach across the table to hold my partner’s hand and he smiles at me. We have known each other for a year and half, both of us have had much longer relationships but when I met him it felt like first contact with a spaceship after hurtling through an infinite void. When the world is spinning out of control, he is the fixed point on which I can steady myself. There is so much that is frightening and unknown but in this moment we are safe. 

The food arrives and the waiter refills our coffee, interrupting my thoughts. In front of me are now bowls with orange rice, black beans and green huevos ahogada portioned out on a plate along with a folded tortilla. I savor the crunchy chicharron mixed with runny eggs doused in a tangy sauce and soak in the homeliness of the café. Afterwards, we step out into the bright day and I tuck my arm into my partner’s as we head out on a walk in the sunshine.